I have been thinking, and thinking, and struggling with how to ‘come back’ to all of the hustle that I walked away from just over a year ago. That hustle had become all-consuming in my mind. I found myself constantly comparing myself to what others were doing, and joining groups that would have me subtly competing for ‘likes’, and comments, and follows. Then, if my work was overlooked, I found myself second guessing everything I was doing. I figured that if I was getting over-looked it must have just meant that I wasn’t ‘girl boss’ enough, or that my style wasn’t stylish enough, or that I was doing something wrong. I was getting frustrated that the groups I found myself trying to pull inspiration from, were the same groups killing it–as they, consistently, put all of their emphasis on trendiness, over creativity. Pretty soon, I noticed I was striving to be more cookie-cutter to get more ‘likes’, while also despising the entire reason I was trying to get more likes in the first place–my creativity was getting drown out by competition. I had gotten sucked into this invisible, fast-flowing, river that didn’t have an ending, didn’t have a purpose, and didn’t even matter in the real world (you know, outside of social media). I wasn’t benefiting, in anyway, from any of the communities I had become a part of. It felt like everyone was just competing with each other for a pat-on-the-back from a stranger. It was so stupid. I left all of the groups/communities and never looked back–unsurprisingly, I haven’t missed them once.
So, fast forward just over a year–and, here I am. I am in a place where I know I need to start resurrecting my career. I am short on time, and I’m short on support–but, the only way I’ve known to support myself over the years, is with my creativity. I’m also in a spot where I find myself excited, and super motivated, to be doing something which allows me to feel like a creative individual again, and an adult. (I am alone, 50-60 hours a week, with three kids. The rest of the time, I have another adult around–but he typically has other priorities. I am in need of reclaiming some of my independent, creative, adult brain. 🙂 )
Now, the mistake I’ve made before is rushing things–as I was alluding to at the beginning of the blog. I get caught up in that invisible river; the stress of feeling like I have to go fast, and hustle, and compete, becomes all-consuming. This time, I am kicking of 2019 with the goal of building on what I already do, throughout the year. (I’ve got an early start going on here…I’m really excited. 🙂 ) I don’t know if 2019 will take me to a spot which will allow me to keep growing in this direction, or if it will be the year I go work at Trader Joe’s bagging groceries. (I am not implying that that’s a bad thing at all, btw. I would love that job so much–hence why it’s the first place I always say that I’m going to go work at someday.)
The first change I’ve decided to make, as I follow the invisible, calm, stream that I’m gliding down these days (aka: faith)–is to make this blog a place I’m actually excited to come and write. It was feeling like a chore to me to keep writing here. I LOVE showing off my latest work–but, I struggle with what to actually write about every time I come to show it off. Photography blogs start to be become so cliche sounding to me–my own included. So, I’ve been thinking about what I would be excited to write about here, outside of my work, and all I keep coming back to, the other thing that keeps me feeling balanced, is my time outdoors. The kids, and I, do so much stuff outside–from playing, to crafting, to hiking and exploring; and, we do it all year long. Coming here to show off some shots of what we’re doing outside, or what we’re creating from nature, is a huge motivator for me. (This week, I’m making Christmas gift tags from paper bags, and dried leaves. I would love to write about that–plus, it inspires me to pick up my camera when I, otherwise, wouldn’t. It’s win/win. 🙂 )
Anyway, I’m excited to be coming back to a place that feels inspiring; and, I’m excited to doing it the way I want–not the way I feel I should be imitating.
P.S. Did you notice the entirely new website layout!? It’s the FIRST time I’ve completely redone it since 2014–and it’s really exciting to me. It’s so fresh looking and has a strong emphasis on visuals (as opposed to blogging). ❤ It’s been a LOT of super late nights trying to get it done–but, it’s done, and I really love it.