Here I come…back to the stupid topic of Social Media.  Can you tell I’m really torn with this one?  It’s such a huge thorn in my side.  We’re quite love/hate.  I ended up realizing that I really did miss the status updates, and photos, from my close friends and family.  So, I created a ‘Super Friends and Family’ list.  It’s about 30 folks, so I just go to that when I’m on FB for personal browsing; these are also the folks I post my personal photos and stuff to.  It cuts all the fluff that I found myself hating.  I still have all that extra time I talked about before, still choosing my books and puzzles, and still working out a couple hours a week.  (My exercise is SO much more important to me than my coffee these days.  I need it to start my day and to keep me going both physically and mentally.)

However, while I’ve been keeping my distance, I’m not posting current work.  I’m not posting it here like I thought I would and like I said I would. Basically, once it’s on my computer it just sits there, on my hard drive.  Which is fine for some, but not for me.  If you don’t read my blog, you would think I’ve just disappeared, or that I stopped caring, or that I’m not producing anything anymore.  And, I don’t expect anyone, especially potential clients, to read my blog, understand what I’m struggling with and to cater to my sort of crazy.  My work is my portfolio, and my portfolio is where my career progression comes from.  (I have NO idea where my career is taking me…but, I know that I have places to go and that I’m not there yet.)  Social Media was my platform to show my images and communicate with folks who are ‘just looking’.  Walking away from it, on the personal level, has been AMAZING for me…but, ugh.  My career.  Opportunities.  Growth.

I wrote down what happens in my head with it all.  It helped.  I just needed to see it.  The red is my negative.  The blue is my positive.  The blue, with the orange, is solutions.  I guess the really, thick, line in my mind that I’ve been working to draw that separates work, from personal, is important.  I’m a Social Media Photographer.  I’m part of a larger group too.  My personal insecurities are screwing it all up for me and holding me back.  There are thousands of photographers that would gladly take my place on Thomas Hawk’s Facebook Photographer’s and G+ list, and to have a link to personal their work on his webpage.  There are thousands of photographers that would love my jobs, and to meet the people I have met.  There are thousands that would love to be more noticed and I’m sitting on all of it and bitching about insecurities that I have.  I was recently told I’m the most ‘confident and insecure person ever’–and I totally heard that truth.  (I was also told that I’m not Fergie, so I need to get over my humps. 🙂 )

A friend of mine, and someone whom I’ve drawn incredible inspiration from, recently had one of her paintings go totally viral crazy.  It’s an image of an ostrich named Myrtle–she has some wild hair, a cigarette and the phrase, ‘Own Your Shit’ written next to her.  It just kinda resonated with me and stuck somewhere.  Like…yeah.  I totally suck at Facebook on the big scale.  I have insecurities that have always held me back.  I need boundaries to feel good and I want to do, and be more.  All of those things are okay, I just gotta find a way to work with it all–in harmony–while owning it.  Anyway…I’m over this whole Social Media struggle.  I wrote it out with colors.  I’ve talked about it to death.  I’ve realized what’s important to me and I think I’ve got a game plan.  Anyway.  Basically thanks for listening to me talk out loud for months about this.

What do you think?  Do you struggle with any of this too?